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Politics
is the practice of doublespeak. Fortunately, through the magic of creativity
and relatively cheap digital audio editing tools, the speech of political
creatures can finally be unspun, and the truth laid bare.
These are galleries of
translations of popular politicians as made by audio collage artists
from around the planet. While these
files are being made freely available here, the creators of these works
may hold additional rights to them which could preclude their use in
other settings. Please contact the creators directly about such
matters.
All files
are encoded in MP3 format, unless otherwise noted.
If you find yourself spurred
to create a translation of your favorite politician's rhetoric, please
submit an MP3 so
we can share it with others. If anyone would like to add, modify or
delete their listing(s) in the gallery, simply e-mail us and
we will do so.
Those
who are easily offended by heavy doses of irony should probably
leave now. You may also hear the occasional cuss word
in some translations: you have been warned.
Totally Subjective
Rating System:
 - Unbelievably
believable, cream of the crop
 -
Absurdly compelling
- More
cut, less paste
Newly-Added
Translations - A special page where the newest cuts live,
so return visitors don't have to wade thru the voluminous content
below.
(December 18, 2012)
 George W. Bush
(366 links)
The
43rd president of the United States is the current master of obfuscation.
His speaking style seems to lend itself to translation - or maybe
it's just the fact that the disconnects between his rhetoric and reality
are so incredibly huge as to compel reinterpretation.
|
Various
Artists (34 links)
Multiple politicos diced and blended into revealing
dialogues.
|
 Ronald Reagan (16 links)
The Alzheimer's seems to explain a lot now, but this actor turned president-actor
provided plenty of fodder for collage artists.
|
 Barack
Obama (15 links)
Democratic wunderkind
and 44th President certainly speaks with inspiration.
|
 Tony
Blair (13 links)
One of the slickest politicos on the U.K. scene, the former Prime Minister
is a potential motherlode of rhetorical fodder.
|
 Donald
Rumsfeld (11 links)
He may have
been more coherent than his boss, but the things that came out of
his mouth were oftentimes just as baffling.
|
 John
Kerry (9
links)
The Democratic challenger to GWB
in 2004 is under-hyped and over-handled: help him speak for himself
like he did when he was younger!
|
 George
Bush, Sr. (9
links)
If you thought "read my lips,
no new taxes" was a good one, get a load of these.
|
 Bill
Clinton (9 links)
Even an artful
elocutionist like Bill, who can redefine the meaning of "is"
at will, has his words mangled artfully.
|
 Richard
Nixon (9 links)
Another president with the potential
to be very funny when properly assembled. Considering the skeletons
in the closet there are to work with, I'm surprised there aren't
more translations of him.
|
 Lyndon
B. Johnson (6 links)
Having
lived through so much history, why is there so little
lampooning of it?
|
 Arnold
Schwarzenegger (6
links)
From body
builder to action flick star to governor: welcome to California, the
land where dreams come true...even the bad ones.
|
 John
F. Kennedy (6
links)
One
of the most mythical Presidents of all time.
|
 Dick
Cheney (4
links)
The literal man
behind the curtain, f*cking the world from an undisclosed location.
Why can't he just go f*ck himself?
|
 Dwight
Eisenhower (4
links)
Military
man turned civilian commander-in-chief, Eisenhower helped usher in
the Cold War but also had a respectful wary streak of the process.
|
 Adolf
Hitler (3
links)
An evil man, granted, but that only makes
him more susceptible to subversion.
|
 Gerald
Ford (2 links)
The accidental president has a few fans....
|
 Franklin
D. Roosevelt
2 Party Government (3:03, 2.8 MB)
Creator: Diego
Music Creations
Source Material: Unknown
FDR gives war-speak on the re-invasion of Europe.
|
 Harry
Truman
Truman Atomic
Bomb 1945 (3:06, 2.9 MB)
Creator: Diego
Music Creations
Source Material: Unknown
Truman ushers in the nuclear age with appropriately spooky accompaniament.
|
 Herbert
Hoover
Herbert
Hoover (4:31, 4.2 MB)
Creator: Kumquat
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Poignant to historiographers.
|
 John
Ashcroft (4 links)
Your Fundie
Friend for Freedom! Erm...yeah. 'Nuff said.
|
|
 David
Cameron (4 links)
British
Prime Minister's golden tongue turns to lead.
|
 Robert
Kennedy (3 links)
Younger,
similarly-slain brother to the Camelot president, he
left some notable quotes behind.
|
 John
McCain (3
links)
Amazingly enough,
in none of these cases does "get off my lawn!" come into
play...yet.
|
 Dan
Quayle (2 links)
After
all the public gaffes in his political life, one does not necesarily
need to redo Dan to make him any more entertaining.
|
 Ari
Fleischer (2
links)
Now retired from the Bush II administration,
this malleable mouthpiece was well-known for a Clinton-esque appreciation
for the English language (read: obfuscation).
|
 Queen
Elizabeth II (2 links)
Staid and formal, the Queen of
the British empire can be bent.
|
 Ralph Nader (2 links)
Not a man without his share
of enemies, you can pretty much count on Ralph to always speak truth
to power.
|
 Martin
Luther King, Jr.
MLK (Rise Again) (9:56, 9.2 MB)
Creator: rx
Source Material: "Beyond
Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence," April 4, 1967
Universal truths about war laid to faint funk.
|
 Mitt
Romney
 Mitt
Romney Isn't Gay (:59, YouTube Link)
Creator: Poison
Popcorn
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "As the governor,
I had sex in a church with a couple of judges who apparently,
I found out, were gay."
|
 Benito
Mussolini
Mussolini Tupac Rap (:49, YouTube Link)
Creator: Unknown
Source Material: Unknown
This is actually a response to a Hitler does Biggie mashup.
|
 Frank
Moore
L'idéaliste
(4:46, 3.3 MB)
Creator: Ledit
RenArt
Source Material: Unknown
Non-partisan write-in Prez candidate has quite the impressive platform.
|
 Margaret
Thatcher
Thatcher
Tribute to Reagan (w/music) (2:29, 1.5 MB)
Thatcher
Tribute to Reagan (acapella)_(1:40, 784K)
Creator: Poison
Popcorn
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "We've had sex regularly, both before
and after his passing. And I've had Ronald Reagan's firm prick fill
my terrible, stagnant cunt. Let me tell you, nothing was more invigorating."
|
|  John Howard
A
Deep Personal Love (2:52, 8 MB, Quicktime Required)
Creator: New
Horizons in Violence
Source Material: Unknown
Australian Prime Minister is hooked on Bush!
|
|
 Nick Griffin
Nick
Griffin on Question Time, 2009 (1:24, YouTube
Link) .
Creator: Poison
Popcorn
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "I am a thoroughly
unpleasant cunt; I am a monster."
|
 Alberto
Gonzales
Gonzales
Coronation (6:24, 5.2 MB)
Creator: Norton
Scooter
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Favorite Quote: "The violent physical abuse and sexual
abuse from Guantanamo to Afghanistan, and then into Iraq - this was
simply people having fun. What you see in the pictures is people trying
to have fun."
Cameo counterpoint by SpongeBob SquarePants.
|
 Rudolph
Giuliani
Giuliani
Is A Virus (4:00, 3.3 MB)
Creator: Norton
Scooter
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Favorite Quote: "I am a little bit like cancer."
Music: Laurie Anderson,
"Language is a Virus"
|
 George Tenet
CIA
Weapons Speech (2:37, 1.3 MB)
Creator: Poison
Popcorn
Source Material: "Iraq
and Weapons of Mass Destruction," delivered at Georgetown
University, February 5, 2004
Favorite Quote: "Satellite photos showed a pattern of
activity designed to conceal Saddam's ass on at least ten different
occasions."
|
 Pat Buchanan
Kulturkampf
(1:14, 1.2 MB)
Creator: Chris Burke
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "It is just about time for the mob to
control our country."
|
 Douglas
Feith
Douglas
Feith November 2003 in E-Flat (3:16, 3.1 MB)
Creator: New
Horizons in Violence
Source Material: Interview with Australian journalist, November
2003
Undersecretary of Defense and neocon warmonger gets pinned down on
civillian deaths.
|
 Zell
Miller
Zellot
(2:04, 5.5 MB, Real Player required)
Creator: pkj
Source Material: Address to the Republican National Convention,
September 1, 2004
Turncoat Democrat's militaristic broadside is spiced up with new background
video.
|
 Sarah
Palin
Redheaded
Sasquatch For Jesus (3:12, 3 MB)
Creator: Kumquat
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Yes, she actually bleated this. Thank heavens for the moose's counterpoint.
|
 David
Blunkett
Totali Blunkett (3:51, 2.7 MB)
Creator: Poison
Popcorn
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "At
the end of the day it's the job of government - and in fact, it's
the most fundamental job of government - to scare the electorate."
Disgraced former UK Home Minister on the politics of coercion.
|
 John
Reid
John Reid Phonecall (6:01, 5.6 MB)
Video
Version (6:17, 10.3 MB, Windows Media Player Required)
Creator: Poison
Popcorn
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "If
you want evidence, you have to make something up, based on
public preconceptions and the threat from terrorism."
UK Home secretary has a beef for fish.
|
 The Dalai
Lama
Dalai
Lama (3:14, 3 MB)
Creator: Ledit RenArt
Source Material: Unknown/Various
|
 Monica
Goodling
Lying
For Jesus (4:12, 3.9 MB)
Creator: Kenneth Young
Source Material: Testimony before Congress, May 23, 2007
Former White House/Justice Department liaison caught in the crossfire over
political hirings and firings.
|
 Winston
Churchill
War of Nerves (3:10,
3 MB)
Creator: Diego
Music Creations
Source Material: Unknown
Cold-war bluster with a future-classical accompaniment.
|
Other Notable Translations:
Bush Boys (3:44, 7.7 MB, QuickTime Player
required)
Broadcast-Quality
Version (56.5 MB, On2-VP3 codec required)
Creator: Unknown
("a corporate news employee who wished to remain anonymous");
originated @ subMedia
Source Material: Various
Music: "Bush Boys," DJ
Dangermouse & Jemini
|
 Leave It to Bush! (1:43,
680K, Flash Player Required)
Creator:
Ken McIntyre
GWB meets Gary Busey...and some ferrets!
|
| Revolution: World
of Evil (3:20, Windows Media Player Required)
Creator: TV
Sheriff / Coldcut
Source Material: 2004 major party conventions and other choice
clips
|
Slam Bush (1:51, 5.1 MB, Quicktime Required)
Creator:
Wordsworth
Kickin' a wicked rhyme in the context of the 2004 presidential debates.
|
 Gordo (3:35, 3.2 MB)
Vocals by Gordon
Campbell
Creator: MagnumPR
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Favorite Quote: "I can tell you that my cock is enormous."
|
Howard Killed (3:23, 3.2 MB)
Vocals by Alexander
Downer
Creator: Wax Audio
Source Material: Unknown/Various
|
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