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John Kerry Translations
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If anyone would like to add, modify or delete their listing(s) in the gallery, simply e-mail us and we will do so. If you find yourself spurred to create a translation of your favorite politician's rhetoric, please submit an MP3 so we can expand the gallery.

Those who are easily offended by heavy doses of irony should probably leave now. You may also hear the occasional cuss word in some translations: you have been warned.

Demands [Tax Cuts] (2:11, 2.1 MB)
Creator: Radio Crack
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Favorite Quote: "We need a president who understands weakness is strength."

John Kerry Up the Pooper (:23, 367K)
Creator: Radio Crack
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Favorite Quote: "Nothing is more important than how a president takes women through the back door."

Bring It On [Kerry Rap Mix] (5:05, 4.7 MB)
Creator: Dr. Laniac
Source Material: Unknown/Various
More Bush-bashing using one of Dubya's most infamous quotes.

Kerry's Opium Sex War (:54, 856K)
Creator: Radio Crack
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Favorite Quote: "We've got weapons of mass beheadings, and blowing people."

Also includes cameos from GWB.

I'm John Kerry (2:46, 2.6 MB)
Creator: rx
Source Material: Address to the Democratic National Convention, July 29, 2004
Not so much a constructed dialogue as a pep rally theme.
Kerry's Message (2:46, 2.6 MB)
Creator: Frenz
Source Material: Unknown
Favorite Quote: "We will not raise taxes, we will lower them - while cutting George Bush in half."

l'embarras du choix ( The Burden of Choice ) (4:20, 4 MB)
Creator: Ledit RenArt
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Hypno-acoustic with minimalist speechifying. If only we had listened?

Satan/Kerry 1 Minute Interview (1:06, 1.1 MB)
Creator: Radio Crack
Source Material: Unknown/Various
Favorite Quote: "And if it requires more troops in order to create the chaos, then we should remain there."
John Kerry Drunk (1:34, 1.5 MB)
Creator: Dekionplexis
Source Material: National radio address, July 3, 2004
Favorite Quote: "As we celebrate our many freedoms this Fourth of July, we should remember that we made America into the crucible of hatred, so we would all see a better day."